Sleep Study

Mr. Smitty likes to sleep! He can sleep on and off all day. But what is “on” and what is “off” for the Smitty? To find out we conducted our “Heavy Petting” test: If deep, luxurious petting (including some finger rigidity) does not draw a response from the Smitty, then he is deemed “asleep.”

But if light, floatingly brushed-across-the-surface kine petting actions draw even the slightest response from the Smitty, we must consider him at only the entry level of sleep business. Or, in laymen’s terms, “cat-napping.”

Mister Smitty, Barbie, and Buddha

Mr. Smitty uses Barbie’s shelf like a superhighway! The Barbie always be getting knocked down by the Smitty (though Buddha, under her gently outstretched hand, remains undisturbed) and Miss Barbie’s little Chinese take-out carton (under her other gently outstretched arm) keeps getting knocked down, too! Mister Smitty is a reckless smitty. “Mebbe she goin’ have to get rid of her Chinese take-out!” “Mebbe she finished eatin’her Chinese take-out, and Mr. Smitty be bussin’ her table to make some room!” “Mister Smitty don’t bus. He’s a sommelier or somfin’ li’dat.”

Reincatenation

Gatto -- [the fluffly black cat of legend who was one of this mister’s former cats (and whose amazing story (including TV appearance) is chronicled in the pre-blog days of the last century in huge leather-bound tomes stored at the Bodelian))] -- would be the anti-Smitty in one of those cartoon adventure universe. Mr. Smitty could possibly be the Return of Gatto in a white version (see previous blog), post-Bardo sort of good-reward-reincarnation-type being (since Gatto was a good cat and thus deserving of a reincarnation as the Smitty!). Of course, reincarnation is just our flawed, time-based way of glimpsing the actual reality of the eternal present – multiple simultaneous presents we move nomadically in and out of eternally… … right Mr. Smitty? (cos he know, yo.)

Wizardry

“Mister Smitty the White” should be his wizard name. Like Gandalf, who comes back from the dead -- or wherever he comes back from—

[Tolkien experts now respond in droves to correct me; the computer overloads; the server explodes; the Mister Smitty Website implodifies, all blogs crashing together into a thickly-matted jungle of black letters; The photos of Mister Smitty all tumble, their black square frames cracking like eggshells and the photos of Mister Smitty jump out (as a cat would naturally do when something he is in side of starts to fall), and all multiple smitties, --his poses, his runnings, his pausings – all float out of the debris and run, transformed, into whiter versions of themselves – --and it all ends in a huge white out of Smitty selves converging toward the camera and swooping over us in a rush of brilliant white!]

Scratchable Design Flaws

If you scratch the Smitty right on the breast bone he’ll always stop and oblige you. It’s not a place he can get to very well; it’s just how smitties are constructionated that prevents them from getting a good scratch up in there -– no’m sayin’?

On a similar note, [what note would that be… D flat?] when a Mister is about to comb the Smee for fleas, the Mister first presents the tines of the comb to Mister Smitty’s nose so he know what commin’ at him, down the pike, ya dig?

Sleepatronics #2

You can pet the Smitty when he’s asleep. That’s because the Smee doesn’t sleep in the same way that we do; His sleep is a fluid, elastic, home of many mansions. He can go in and out of sleep fluidly and easily. When is a smitty fully NOT sleeping, anyway? They’re always in some kind of leisure state, yes? Dis is some kind of philosophie, jah?

Sleepmaster Smitty

Mister Smitty is a Master Sleeper!

He puts his paw over his face

…to block out the light?

…because he’s having a private Pirate Smitty dream? (it’s his way of putting a patch over his eye) “Miao, Miao, Miao and a bottle of rum! “Argh, matey!” (The Smitty spies a wee mousey). “Avast, ye land-lubbin’ mices! I’m coming to get ye!”