Enigma Variations Part III: Taking a little cat-map

Sirs,

The photos of your (putative) “cat,” too, when carefully blown up, reveal hidden maps that correspond exactly to places in Iran, Iraq, and, most curiously, Wilkes-Barre, Pa. (on this we are still pondering).

Please respond (in writing) to the issues enumerated herein in preparation for our site visit to your website.

Yours,

Department of Home-made Security

Enigma Variations Part II: What, er, supply?

Sirs,

Even un-decoded, your cat’s listed activities seem to indicate a plan for dissemination of your coded directives to a sleeper cell of intimates, code-named Mister Smitty’s “peeps.”

Postings about The Smitty’s water-drinking preferences – endless and preposterous if taken literally – can only logically be understood as code for designs on our water supply.

And what are we to make of those ever-shadowy figures, the vaguely-named “Misters” who seem to do The Smitty’s bidding as though they were interchangeable flunkies?

Enigma Variations Part I: An Enigma Wrapped Inside of a Condom

Sirs,

It has come to our attention that your website “blog” has far too many hits for one ostensibly about “a cat.”

Formal legal proceedings (in the works) notwithstanding, we must surmise that postings are not about “The Smee” and his “adventurizing” but are, in fact, coded messages.

A statistical analysis of random selections of your “texts” reveals (when numerical values are assigned to letters in a standard code formula) the following disturbing decoded messages:

“I racked up a huge debt”

“I ran to telephone.”

“Is real or not?”

Memory Laps

Mister Smitty practices a specific, strategic lap strategy!

When The Misters went for two nights to another island, the Smitty, of course, decided they were lost. He offered his backside and scent repeatedly upon their return to help them reorientate and regain their sense of place.

But those pesky Misters continued to stray, leaving the homestead for hours on end in what must have been lost confusion.

Thus the Smitty has taken to sitting on The Misters’ laps when they perch. This is clearly the Smitty’s way of squelching any wanderlust in The Misters!