Crip Cribs

Mister Smitty is an “early adapter.”

The Smee is one of the few cutting-edge types who move the culture forward.

Here’s how:

The Smee is always ahead of the curve when it comes to where to sleep. Talk about boutique hotels! The Smitty has them beat – he DISCOVERS new locations, like—

[At this point the author discusses the most recent (i.e. “current,” “trendy,” “now-ish”) location of The Smitty’s crib, which, at press time, The Smitty’s handlers were in a tizzy about disclosing.

Stay tuned. –ed.]

Skull and Tomes

Mr. Smitty’s skull is very skullacious!

Viewed from the side, The Smitty has a deep, “deep cover” smile that wraps up the side of his head in obscene proportions (excess of joy).

Such a rictus puts one in mind of the Sphinx – and, thus, of Baudelaire’s immor(t)al poem “Les Chats”

Which, judging by the lengths to which this entry has been stretched already, shall have to appear in a later installment.

Merde!

Legal Entanglements and the Computer

Jeff will poke at the keyboard in the most lackadaisical way as though he weren’t interested in representing The Smitty’s interests at all!

Often Twinkles (Jeff’s secretary) will find her distinguished lawyer boss curled up under the side table (by his food dish) – or worse: jumping at the windows trying to capture random moths. For this we pay $144 per hour?

Gross indecency!

Meanwhile, The Smitty’s future blogs, waiting to be expurgated and rendered beige for web consumption, gather cat hair under Jeff’s paws.

We hope this helps to explain why there’s such a backlog in the pipeline.

Wait till you read the one about the election (of 2000)!

Mister Smitty’s Legal Team

Mr. Smitty’s lawyers are (excuse us) a lazy bunch!

The backlog of info ready to slide out of here into the world about The Smitty (trucks are waiting, beeping softly)…

But them lawyers!

Mr. Smitty has – understandably, for a cat – engaged legal representation from members of HIS OWN KIND. Thus, the sense of what constitutes a “day’s work” is, in human terms, sorely lacking.

The Smitty’s lawyer, Jeff:

“Twinkles, dollface, send me that file on Mr. Smitty. Miaou.”

But when Twinkles checks back 6 hours later, Jeff is curled up asleep on Mr. Smitty’s file!

Missing: The Misters!

Mister Smitty was on his own recognizance for two whole nights!

(while The Misters visited Smudge’s mom on another island).
What did the Smitty do to amuse-ificate hisselfs?
Party with his peeps (stand on two legs, brandish a champagne flute, etc)?
Establish relations with the new (post-Esai) tenants “south of the border”?
If you have knowledge (or footage) of the Smitty’s whereabouts during this period, please contact this blog immediately!

You’ve Been Upgraded!

“And for those guests staying in our most luxurious accommodations, you may avail yourselves of a pet cat for the duration of your stay.
Patient, kind, friendly to all ages, Mister Smitty will jump into your lap, sleep, roll over, display his stomachs for scratchings, and purr (but never whine).
See Reception for the Mister Smitty upgrade.”

Tape Delay

It has come to the attention of this blogsite that there are stirrings of dissent (gripes) about the delay (lag time) between actual occurrences in The Smitty’s life and when they show up on this website.

Dear Reader! Rest assured that we at Mr. Smitty’s executive offices are at pains to narrow that gap (roughly 18 ½ minutes) so that you are party to the freshest developments possible, etc…[as per our lawyers instructions – ed.]

Actually, the whole “delay” problem is caused by our lawyers. The vetting of the Smee’s cavorting –and trying to get his wayward peeps to sign release forms so their images can be used in films, Christmas specials, and on coffee mugs, playing phone tag with their publicists, etc.

– is as tiresome and drawnout as reading back entries of this blog!