Tattle Tail

Mister Smitty is in a tailspin!

The Smitty’s tail is a very active tail, statistically speaking.

“He always shakin’ dat thing.”

“He never draggin’.”

“It’s most always erect.”

“Pointin’ straight up!”

“And with a wee twist at the top.”

“That’s his tail’s wrist, yo.”

“It’s like some kind of exotic snake charmer’s dance, ‘cos he’s always a-twirlin’ that last angry inch.”

Crypto-Albanian?

Mister Smitty is white!

                 

As our dear reader(s?) have perhaps discerned from photos such as the above, Mister Smitty is a white smitty.

                

No, he ain’t Albanian (cf. previous (tedious) blogpost: “White Christmas: An Album of Albanian Albinos in Albany”).

                 

The Smitty’s flag, therefore unlike so many nations’ tricolor design of [oh, why bother “of”-ing?] – ed.] is a picture of his white self on a white field, rampant.

                 

Supreme!

Vitamin Cmee

“Mister, did you take your vitamin Cmee?”

Vitamin Cmee, an essential vitamin for healthy Misters (their friends, relatives, peeps, and assigns) is readily available in many forms. You can get a healthy dose by:

            

            Petting the Cmee’s plenteous flanks, scratching his tiny head, spanking his wee bum, or best of all tap-tap-tapping on the bottom of his spine at the base of his tail.

             

            Nutritionists say that you can receive doses of vitamin Cmee just by looking at him in the eyes. If he turns and flashes his eyes at you, experimental subjects have reported a jolt of happiness.

           

            Best of all, you can’t O.D. on Vitamin Cmee!

The Misters Respond:

Dear Madam,

               

[Our research finds that our readership is overwhelmingly female]

Your supposition that The Smitty (living, breathing) is any less than such is preposterous. We invite you to ins(p)ect the environs: the storied “Crack House,” to sit on the storied Couch of The Misters, visit their shower, touch Shoeland, finger their flower boxes –

But wait! That is exactly your miserable scheme!

Avaunt ye, witch! (the rumpfed runyon cries).