The Birds ‘n the Smee(s) Part I

Mister Smitty has interspecies peeps!

The long-necked (and nekkid) white birds that are wont to ride astride cows ‘round heah have sent an embassy of one to mystify/perplexify The Smee.

“It wants to be one of Mr. Smitty’s peeps.”

“Yo, that’s mixing the cream with the coffee!”

“No, Yo, they’re both white.”

“Well, all right … Wait: one’s a bird.”

“Interspecies-ality. Maybe that’s The Smee’s speci-ality!”

“He does, after all, engage in ‘social’ intercourse with us humans.”

Puff Daddy

Mister Smitty is a Marshmallow Peeps!

Check it, yo:

                He white (don’t tell him though).

                He delicious and sich.

                He cute ‘n all dat.

[I thought Marshmallow Peeps were yellow or purple, not white. – ed.]

[Ok, so, what: you want us to erase the whole entry, then? – other ed.]

Can Handle?

Mister Smitty has agents!

The Misters “handle” the Smitty’s representation.

“What about that picture of the Smee?”

“Couldn’t upload it.”

“What about that ______ (fax, memo, phone call, etc. fill-in-the-blank)?”

“Huh?”

“Mister, do you think the Smee will discover our ineptitude and fire us as agents?”

“Mister, “WILL” discover?”

Putative Puke

Mr. Smitty barfed!

Color photos (not available at press time) indicate the substance(s) in question were mostly grasses.

“That’s those ‘garden greens’ mixed into his wet food, yo.”

“Or our actual greens from our actual garden.” (pace Marianne Moore)

(The Smee is a shameless grass-muncher)

“That’s how he cleans his teeth.”

“And his stomach, apparently.”

Human Instruction Manual

Pussy Whipped!

A user’s guide  -- or -- how to train those pesky humans in your life

- from one cat to another by Mister Smee.

Available from Simon & Shoe(land)-ster for $29.95 (or the equivalent in cat food (high-end, only)).

Order at our Web $ite! (previously issued as “Dummies for Dummies”)

Escorts Waiting

Mr. Smitty has an escort service!

Whenever whomever of the Misters returns to the compound, Mr. Smitty saunters over to escort the aforesaid him safely home.

Mr. Smitty places himself in the path of the oncoming Mister(s) and waits until one or both Misters have passed by him en route to the house. Then, satisfied that they shall no longer be lost, The Smity bounds past them, up the stairs, to be the first inside.

Once the wayward Mister(s) have settled down in their box, The Smee, satisfied that their wanderlust is temporarily  spent, takes himself off duty and vamooses himself off the premises to cavort and adventurize hisself.