Plastic Trash Bag Mystery II: Mister’s got a brand new bag

Previously on “Plastic Trash Bag Mystery”…

Running and chasing music over which we see…

[action shot of the Mister carrying a full bag of trash toward camera (Mr. Smitty POV)]

[special effect re-enactment of the wind hitting the bamboo roll-up blind and making it flap up and knock the poinsettia off of the past bowl pedestal and splaying its red leaves across the black tabletop like blood (Mr. Smitty POV again)]

[Close up of hideously tacky blue pasta bowl with painted foods along its rim – which is scalloped – I mean, PLEASE!)]

Meanwhile, Voiceover: (the thinly disguised voice of This Mister doing his various accents:

“Why it gotta be White?”

“What-en them red leaves gotten to dur with it all?… and what is so all-fire tacky bout this’n here bowl?”

[shot of a white plastic trash bag careening and spinning up toward the camera (as newspapers would do in days of old and films of yore) while we hear the canned sound of anguished meows]

(end of re-cap).


This episode:

The Misters whistling happily “doo-duh-doo”

“Nothing mysterious here!”

“Ass’right. Hain’t no mysteriousnesses uppin’ here!”

“Know’m sayin’?”

“Shoots.”

(“ANY-way!)

This mister gets out a new trashbag and steps out to the porch where the Smitty (unbeknownst to him) is standing over by shoeland.
(The Misters have dialogue here but it is – as usual —irrelevant)

With one quick motion I open the bag and –

Whoosh!

--the Smitty takes off frightened!


Why is the Smitty scared of an EMPTY trash bag?

And now those dreaded words…

TO BE CONTINUED

Plastic Trash Bag Mystery, pt. 1

The Smitty is scared of the white plastic trash bags! (“why that, G? because they white?”)

This Mister was taking out the trash from under the sink and rounding the corner of the porch when Mr. Smitty saw the full trash bag and vamoosed hisself the hell outta’ there.

Ok, no problem, it’s a large object coming at him – of course he’s scared.

“No mystery there! Heh, heh.”

It’s like when the wind blows the flapping roll-up blind in over the table and knocks the poinsettia plant off of the tackily-painted pasta bowl (inverted to be its base). The crashing red leaves scare off the Smitty, too.
(“and not cuz dey be red, yo”)

(“no sir, but the tackily-pernted pasta bowl scares me plenty, I can tell u—“)

(“ANY-way…!”)

But the cats-are-scared-of-large-objects-coming-at-them scenario is NOT it: the REAL mystery is that the Smitty is scared of an …
EMPTY TRASH BAG!

(--this exciting mystery to be continued--)

Mr. Smitty and Global Warming

Mr. Smitty does NOT contribute to global warming.…unless you count his little face!

Mr. Smitty!

Mr. Smitty vs. The Grasshopper

“Mr. Smeetee is playing with a grasshopper.”
(He found it in Mister’s slippahs).

“He’s petting it.”

“Checking it out, pro’ly.”

“Mister can try move the wall to let him ec-scape?”
I move the wall so a crack of railing shows. The grasshopper tries to get away, but Mister Smitt-tit-tee keeps it close, like a hand of cards.

Poor grasshopper!

The grasshopper goes away from the railing, back toward the sliding glass, and ends up between the Misters’ chairs. The Smit’ follows along or runs in front, bemused, but totally in control.

He doesn’t pet it.

He doesn’t eat it.

When I come back from answering the phone, The grasshopper is gone and Mr. Smitty has moved on to staring East as he is wont to do of an afternoon, morning, or anytime, really.

It’s where the wind’s from.

The Scoop

Sometimes when this Mister is not at his computer, The Smitty will perpetrate some cuteness or other and this Mister has to quick write it down on this little flip note pad –

… flipping the pages over like Jimmy what’s-his-name in those 1920s or 30s kid reporter movies, with the press card in their fedoras…

scrawling on the note pad and flipping them pages to “get the scoop” on Mister Smitty’s latest hijinks.

You go, Mr. Smitty. I got you covered!

Should I learn shorthand?

Should I be Mr. Smitty’s secretary?

“Mr. Smitty, sir, should I take a letter?”

Behaviorialistical

Mr Smitty is a very polite smitty!

When he wants to go in or out, he goes to the screen door and just sits. He doesn’t look around for a dumb human to hurry up and catch on (“Hel-LO!”). He doesn’t mew and miaoux or yip. He doesn’t walk in little circles...figure 8’s actually, Cats seems to walk the infinity sign when they are waiting for a bus or for some dumb human to -- “Hel-LO!!” – figure out that they would like very much now to be attended to, thank you very much.

The Help these days, please!

The Smitty’s polite Door behavior is the result of:

a) his ability to hide his disdain in politeness

b) his immense gratitude for being taken in in the first place
(this is The Misters’ favorite choice)

c) his naturally polite, well-balanced, calm personality/age

d) genuine perplexification with the mysteries of the door itself

e) other? (fill in your response)

Enchanted

Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!

Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!
Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!
Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!

MISTER SMITTY!


Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!

Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!
Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!
Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!

MISTER SMITTY!


Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!

Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!
Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!
Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!

MISTER SMITTY!


Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!

Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!
Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!
Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty, Mister Smitty!

MISTER SMITTY!