Barre Nun

Mister Smitty is a choreographer!

“OK people! Come out to the middle of the stage, flop on your side, lick you paws. Follow me. Good. Lick that back paw. In between the claws, people!

“OK. Now the crotch!” “Get the back foot straight up in the air, people! Now, stomachs on the floor…and stretch those front legs out – stretch ‘em out!

And here’s what I like to do: cross those front paws at the wrist.

(Mister Smitty’s signature position).

Veggie-Might

Mr. Smitty is a vegetarian!

Mr. Smitty got up on the table and started to sniff the salad – and lick some lettuce.

“It’s like eating the grass.”

He licked but he didn’t bite. (It’s like not inhaling). We put the salad down by his bowl. We want to see if The Smitty will actively pursue a “vegetarian lifestyle.”

Fictionification

Sirs,

It has come to our attention from frequent “comments” appended to this blogsite from Our Devoted Reader(s) that there is a growing suspicion that some of The Smitty’s hijinks are “fictionalized.” Let me assure our dear readers that nothing could be further from the truth than this fiction! Everything you read in these (electronic) pages is true (though, of course, virtual). For those as yet unsatisfied by these fervent avowals, you are cordially invited to see for youse self by inspectifying the grounds, offices, hallways, broom closets, and mechanical rooms of mistersmitty.blogspot.com during regular office hours.

Sincerely,

The Mange-ment

Mr. Smitty, Author

This notebook was flipped open to a new page and this pen was found askew.

This Mister asked That Mister:

“Mister, was Mister writing about Mr. Smitty?

“Mister, no.”

“Mister, maybe Mr. Smitty was writing to tell it from his side.”

“The untold story, no’m sayin’?”

“The authorized edition”

“I am Mr. Smitty, and I approve of this message.”

“Mr. Smitty’s lawyers will be calling now.”

“Mr. Smitty’s peeps.”

“Yeah. Except Mr. Smitty’s peeps all have law degrees.”

“Shoots!”

The Sultan of Smitty

Like a harem, Mr. Smitty played with a white plastic bag!

-- not a trash bag (see “Mystery of the Trash Bag I – V, the quintology)
but a small white plastic bag that the Misters had got corn on the cob in from the store.

Maybe it smelled good? Like a harem?

The Smitty’s face was impressed into it briefly – like the shroud of Turin.

“Get the carbon dating equipment and laser-x-ray technology all up here to authenticate if it actually is the Smitty’s face impressed into this white plastic corn bag!”

Da Vater Code VII: The Ergonomics of Kitty Water Delivery Systems

Let’s recreate the scene…

[Answer (for those who do not wish to recreate the scene but who, on RSS feeds, need to read, digest, laugh, make faces of anger, etc, and move on to climb the corporate ladder):

The Smitty can sit standing (betcha wish I’d say “see attached photo,” huh?) and the lip of the watering can is exact-a-mately at his neck height (yo) so he simply dips and sips hisself till he be satiated, ya dig?]

…it was a warm summer’s day in the rural farming community of K…