Green Smee

Mister Smitty is a green smitty!

                 

Talk about going green – The Smitty has long ago embraced the less-is-more organical approach to living moh green.

TM: Green soaps/detergents?

MS: Hell. No need for that. I use my own spit! Clean my paws ‘bout 10 times a day. Use my own tongue.             

TM: Shampoo?

MS: Tongue baths. Exclusively.  Multiple times per day.

TM: Feminine hygiene products?

MS: I’m currently an ‘it’ but even that all can be summed up by tongue, tongue, tongue!

Still Restless

Flummoxed by the worsening condition in The Misters of RHS (Restless Human Syndrome), The Smee has decided to seek professional advice from The Compleat Caterwauling Catalog of Cat Concatenations, 7^th Edition 

-- except that The Misters do not own this cat-friendly multivolume encyclopedia, so The Smee had to consult an online version of all-things-human-that-a-cat-needs-to-know, called Catscan.cat --

            

Amongst many informative articles about the bizarrities of human behavior (why they like to pet cats, why they speak to them as wee children, why they eat such a variety of repulsive foods, drink spoiled liquids, and stare endlessly at objects that have no interest in terms of smell) one finds the following entry about their restlessness:

[Enough already! I’m restless reading this! – ed.]

Restless Nes(t)

Mister Smitty suffers from RHS*

(*Restless Human Syndrome)

Just about the time The Smitty has nestled himself down into a Mister’s lap, relaxified his haunches, laid his wee chin on a Mister’s knee, and sighed the sigh of the ages …

“Hup!”

There goes the Mister getting up on some fool errand, disturbing The Smee’s rest.

What to do about RHS?

Stay tuned to see what Mister Smitty has up his sleeve.

[Granma, what did “stay tuned” mean? – ed.]

Tattle Tail

Mister Smitty is in a tailspin!

The Smitty’s tail is a very active tail, statistically speaking.

“He always shakin’ dat thing.”

“He never draggin’.”

“It’s most always erect.”

“Pointin’ straight up!”

“And with a wee twist at the top.”

“That’s his tail’s wrist, yo.”

“It’s like some kind of exotic snake charmer’s dance, ‘cos he’s always a-twirlin’ that last angry inch.”

Crypto-Albanian?

Mister Smitty is white!

                 

As our dear reader(s?) have perhaps discerned from photos such as the above, Mister Smitty is a white smitty.

                

No, he ain’t Albanian (cf. previous (tedious) blogpost: “White Christmas: An Album of Albanian Albinos in Albany”).

                 

The Smitty’s flag, therefore unlike so many nations’ tricolor design of [oh, why bother “of”-ing?] – ed.] is a picture of his white self on a white field, rampant.

                 

Supreme!

Vitamin Cmee

“Mister, did you take your vitamin Cmee?”

Vitamin Cmee, an essential vitamin for healthy Misters (their friends, relatives, peeps, and assigns) is readily available in many forms. You can get a healthy dose by:

            

            Petting the Cmee’s plenteous flanks, scratching his tiny head, spanking his wee bum, or best of all tap-tap-tapping on the bottom of his spine at the base of his tail.

             

            Nutritionists say that you can receive doses of vitamin Cmee just by looking at him in the eyes. If he turns and flashes his eyes at you, experimental subjects have reported a jolt of happiness.

           

            Best of all, you can’t O.D. on Vitamin Cmee!